December 19, 2009

5:30 am conversations

   I know it may seem like an impossibility but the best conversations in my life have happened at either  5:30 am or 12 midnight.  I do not know what it is about kids but they seem to shine at these times of day or night. I do not... 

    As I have matured I have grown to accept myself better...  I used to wish for a normal life. Not that I knew what that was... but it was some thing I did not have ... If I could just watch other families enough and see what was normal I was sure that a "normal life" would just come to me.  I could learn by example. What I have learned is there is no normal. We all need a Savior and  we all can change and grow no matter how old we are... I have learned to appreciate what is happening in my life now and see my self in a more kindly light. How did this happen you ask? I got older. I got hurt in life. I learned to forgive and believe in a God who gave His Son for me. That is how it happened for me. Long story short...

   Carissa wakes at 5 or 6 every morning no matter what....  she struggles awake and comes into my room and my bed and half awake crawls in.  I always dream that I can in some way snuggle her down and she will sleep for an hour or more (And I can sleep for an hour or more more).  Never happens not ever.  Life is to be lived you know and it starts at 5 am.  That is for 5 year olds. But not teenagers. Teenagers stay up till all hours of the "dark".  They seem to get some internal ignition  at 11 pm... they move, they talk, they need input from you "the parent" and they want to share their hearts at this time more then any other time in the day. So when you have a teen or more and you have a 5 year old or more... life gets very interesting.  (My life had been "interesting" with my teen daughter the night before) arghhh...  How much sleep does an old mom need you ask?  I have no idea and it Does not matter cause you are not gonna get it.

   So here is what we talked about at 5 am... "Mom are you awake?  Is that a spider on the ceiling" (said is a slightly screaming voice, spiders are evil you know),  ME: "SSSHHH go to sleep it is not a spider I killed all the spiders in the house before I went to bed."   "You have the warmest bed, why is the dog in the bedroom? I want him out now!"  ME: "SHHH he's asleep he helped me kill all the spiders last night so let him sleep he is not hurting you.  We only have an hour to sleep mommies tired so go back to sleep."   A little hand comes over to mine and holds it. I smile thinking it is actually going to work this time and we are going to go back to sleep. I smile holding this warm perfect little hand. Thinking of the 7 pairs of little hands I have been blessed to hold in this bed. All of the stories we have told and the laughs we have had and I think that this little pair of hands will be the last little pair of hands I will hold in my bed in my life time now.  I am the older mom at C's  kindergarten now. There are some kids in her class that live with their grandmas though. I am 53 and daddy is just turning 57  and we are grandparents to 6.  But still we are mom and dad to two at home.  I would not want it any other way. Well, it is possible that "if" I got a couple days of "sleep in" time I would look and feel...  oh, possibly 45.

  It is now 5:25 and C is standing on her feet looking through her legs telling me she could flip backwards like her sister does on the trampoline and land on her feet... she knows she could.  ME: "No, lay down. Do you want to break the bed or your neck? This is STILL SLEEP TIME."  A few seconds of quite... "Did you hear that, mom?  My stomach says it hurts till I feed it." I sit up... bend over and whisper to her tummy, "You just ate go back to sleep."   Then I give up and blow a snurpt on her tummy.  "Where is daddy," she asks?  ME: "Down stairs with the ladies." I tell her.  (We do not have a normal life you see, daddy works night shift some times in our adult foster home and we have two grandma type ladies  in our care).  ME: "Stay here I will go get you some food."  "Mommie can I watch Mulan in bed?"  (Smart mature parents have VHS and DVDs by thier beds so 5 year olds can watch their favorite Disney movie and give mom an extra few minutes of sleep time... or that was my idea any way. ;-)  )  

   I struggle back upstairs with food for my daughter.  Mom the bad guys attacked China and Mulan saved all of them in China (again).  ME:," No kidding she was a brave China girl wasn't she?"  C smiles her beautiful smile,"Just like me mom."  I know this movie by heart, of course...  The most beautiful flower is the one that blooms in adversity.   Hummm, I think to myself....  Could my life ever be more perfect?



1 comment:

Aus said...

That sounds something like a perfect morning to me! I know that little hand - and I'm an early riser anyway (5:30 is a tad late for me!) And thanks for being the parent that takes that time at midnight or 0500 - because thats 'just what parents do'! Blessings on you guys - in the quiet of the night God will stir your soul!

hugs - aus and co.

ps - it's called a zerbert belly! ;)