May 28, 2010
It bothers me. It bothers me a lot. I am not sure how to say this so as not to offend any one. But as an adoptee this is how I feel...... I do not want to be some one's "Mission project". I want to be my mom and dad's kid. I had birth marks in the same two places as my adoptive mom. My dad called me "daughter" not because he could not remember my name but because I was "His" daughter. It's complicated like so much is in life.
I loved my "birth mom" very much. And I would never have called her my birth mom in a million years. She was Betty or mom. Birth mom is really not a nice term and it is not what first moms should be called. Because they are your mom, cause they are...period. But so is the woman who raised you and held you and loved you. And as an adoptee it gets confusing to try to talk to some one about my moms as they keep getting lost about who I'm talking about so in the past I had just said my birth mom. But so you all know we should use correct terms and I will from now on....
All our children need to be claimed by us and also by our extended families who usually do this claiming with various results of success. Which means we then decide which extended family members we will be letting our new adopted children get closest too. Because being claimed for our children is what adoption is all about. No matter what YOU ARE MY CHILD! We show our children the love of God by loving them like He loved us. You are mine and I will forgive you and again and again I will love you. Even if you end up in prison you will be the most loved kid in prison. And actually, I do know an adoptive parent who went through that experience... Got it you are mine!
And here is where the complicated part of this all comes in. Do I say to my child that God called me to adopt you and every other child who I think needs me cause that is my mission. The father of a large adoptive family said on his blog recently, that they were not adopting these ORPHANS for "fun" they were doing mission work. This said as the reason why others should help them fund the adoption. How the heck would you feel as a teen in that family if your dad said that in front of you? Or how would you feel if one of your friends at school said," You aren't a real family your just a mission project of your parents." And let me tell you that is what kids say and much worse... My 24 year old daughter gets asked why her parents adopted so many kids all the time? We have 7 total kids in our family and 5 adoptions. But to many in the world if you adopt at all you are crazy!
I am aware of the cost of adoptions. It is obscene! I know full well how hard it is to raise the fees. I have cried and prayed and talked to God all night begging him to help us bring our daughter home and to please send that money! I have tried till I was blue in the face to make other Christians understand the plight of the millions of orphans in the world! Only to have most walk away with the excuse well, we are exempt because we are..... bla bla bla...whatever! I know that each and every church should be aware that they need to support the care of orphans and that means to support adoptions for their members. And yes, that is a mission. But my child is mine. Just as if I gave birth to them they are mine. And making our children feel that MINE is not really as easy as we might think.
I do not believe that God took them from an unworthy woman and gave them to me. I do not believe they are better off being raised in America with more stuff and not as much poverty. It would have been much easier for them to be raised by parents who are of the same race. Yes, I DO KNOW THAT. Duh... I know that God's hand was always upon them. And they needed to be raised in a family and not in an orphanage. And I know that no one else was meant to adopt MY child but me!
That I am not just a stand in for some one better in God's plan, I am my child's mom. All that I am was what MY child needed to become what God wants him to be in His plan for my child's life. All my crabbiness, my love, my humor, my failures as a mom too are all that make up who I am to my child. As a teen no child loves you as they once did... and teens can make you wonder if you ever did any thing right in your whole life. But I know that I know this child is mine. Especially the hurt one. The one who always looks like they are mom shopping...just in case this time does not work and the kid needs a back up plan. The one who makes you cry out to God the most is MINE.
I just feel that this I'M DOING A MISSION PROJECT with adoption fund raising is possibly sending a message to our kids that is not positive and I do not doubt the love of any one for their children at all. I need my children to know that I am your mom and I have a love for orphans because that is how God brought you to me. And my heart is for others to see this and give another child a home too. So do not call me mama mission.....just Mommy.
Posted by Dawn at 1:49 AM