July 20, 2010

Be Angry and Sin NOT?

    I wanted to add an extra thought here to my previous post on attachment and abuse and trauma of our children.  I do believe our kids need to feel positive about their birth countries...and birth families.  Their past is part of who they are. I think we can separate the negative aspects of pain they suffered in birth countries and by birth families and still find positive parts of who they are for them.  I can never tell my kids," Well, you suffered sorry about that but It is part of what brought you to us and we love you so ....move on.  I am angry for that pain and injustice with them. No child should ever be mistreated.. but we do live in a fallen world.  People are some times not able to act as good as they would if they knew better. I can not make a positive spin on abuse and it is important to call it abuse because our kids know they were not treated right....

   I can find much in China to love and much in Vietnam and Korea to be positive about with my children. But they have been raised to be Americans first and Christians.  We plan to travel to Vietnam within the next few years to meet one of our daughters birth families again.  Believe me we love them and love our daughter so we do work on the why and how !!  And we hope we can teach  compassion for those who felt a need to hurt instead of help a child in need.   AND  express how many God placed in their paths to care for them lovingly and how many people God used to move then along to their forever families....I know our daughter will love her birth country because we do....   But we will show her the good things we see and the good we find.  At the same time we do not just "skip along thru the daises"  and be blind to what communism means to those in her family who live in it every day!    I am proud of my Korean children's birth country they are amazingly strong people... but Korea "still" does have cultural aspects that made my kids have to leave birth family and be adopted. If they ever visit Korea they need to be prepared for things they will experience there and some are negative....  

   Being able to forgive is part of our Christian life... it is a hard part at times.   But an extremely important part to be able learn and know how to do...  It involves a huge amount of FAITH!  As an adoptee, I really believe it is impossible to forgive with out FAITH.  And healing comes with Faith...and then follows peace and growth...   I believe it is possible to be angry at injustice and sin not...  Anger is nothing to be afraid of...  acknowledging it is important so we and our kids can move on...  to a better happier place in our lives and futures.

1 comment:

Aus said...

I'll even go a bit farther with you on that one - I'll assert that anger is necessary for forgiveness to occur! Anger is that 'way' that we mere mortals get some of the emotion 'out of the way'. Once that happens then forgiveness can follow....no - no sin in the anger....perhaps sin in how we 'express' that anger - but not in the emotion itself!

Good words - you've been there - and are better for it!

hugs - aus and co.