September 10, 2010

Adoption is not for whimps...

   After watching "Wo Ai Nee" and seeing little Faith's journey to her forever family and her future, it has confirmed to me what I knew all along..... Adoption is not for Whimps!  Not parent Whimps or kid Whimps...  It involves pain and loss and fighting to get to a place where you can sit quietly in a chair and hold a child who molds to you and sighs and sleeps in your arms...  That is peace... that is making it.


   It does not matter if your child is sleeping in your lap exhausted after screaming two hours or if you also have a bloody lip while doing the rocking...  just stick a Kleenex on it and enjoy the moment.  It does not matter if you are rocking a huge child who, for a moment, becomes the baby you never got to hold... You want to be able to rock them like the baby they were when maybe you could have fixed the deep problems that will not let them move on to joy and peace and success in their life.  Because they are yours (and you are theirs even when they do not seem to want you) and at that moment never was there a more perfect and beautiful child then the one in your arms....


   Your child can be a down syndrome child, an abused &  hurt & angry child, a mean teen with an ugly mouth.  And you could have failed so many times that day... or cried out to God to hurry the healing along cause you just do not know if you can make it one more day.  But you do and you do move on...
Because you have claimed your child... and they ARE yours and maybe also part of every one who ever cared for them or loved them even just for a moment...or a birth country who tried to care for them and decided you were what was best for them... (even if you are angry at HOW they may have done that).  Because every child deserves a home and family of their own... and they deserve parents who can cry over them and make mistakes in parenting them.  Parents who do not give up even after those mistakes...
Who are not afraid how the world sees them or their family. Parents who will never give up...
   Adoption is not for Whimps....

2 comments:

Aus said...

Well said Dawn - and you touched on a number of hot topics - or maybe we just get it because we've had that bloody lip from the 8 year old that one minute was playing fine and then suddenly had something happen that triggered that memory or stirred that deep deep grief that we can never really understand....or had the passing stranger see you with your kids and feel compelled to say "don't you know charity begins at home"....yeah....not for wimps - it's for folks that 'get it'!

We're glad you guys 'get it' too, and thank you for it!

hugs - aus and co.

korean war baby said...

Well, Said, sounded just like my dear mother. She always smiled when ignorant but well meaning folks asked "Are You his mother?" As a mixed-blood Korean/American with "not quite rich white folks" we got this many times.

Mom would tells them, "My son is from Korea, and I am his Mother...NOW. The good Lord put us together, we are family now."

Your words of wisdom shine forth, I love that, "not for wimps", I GET IT. As one of the First Generation of Korean Adoptees I, the Korean War Baby totally agree with you. I have been noticing the comments on several films on adoption and try to remind people that they are just "one story" out of the thousands.

This Thing of Ours-Adoption is so complex, yet as my own Christian parents raised me to understand, we who are Adopted as Children of Light also have to go through all the ups and downs. We don't GET IT YET, just what it means to be Children of God, Chosen before the beginnings of creation. Of course, I am preaching to the choir, but I often wonder how any non-christian could manage to "Take by Choice" (Meaning in Latin for Ad + Optare) one who is not of their own 'flesh and blood'.

I am so glad MY parents back in 1956, who had no internet or manual on raising international adoptees, put up with me. Only by the Grace of God did we all make it, and a couple of times my actions tested her so much that Mom did tell me once "Oooh, Why did I adopt you!" She burst out in tears and begged my forgiveness. THAT I remembered all my life, as an example that GOD would never leave me nor forsake me.

I will see Mom up in heaven and perhaps my Korean mother, who I believe gave me up IN LOVE. She knew that Korea despised mixed-blood children (and they still have no respect for them, and they are ASHAMED of Adoption, though thousands are adopted SECRETLY every year, because of heathen beliefs of Confucius, even the churches to their shame).

The Korean War Baby salutes you. God Bless