October 04, 2010

Being perfect....Being family...

   I am at that time in my life where most of my children are grown up and only two are home...  I think back a lot to the times when my 5 where all at home together and how crazy it was and how much fun too.  It's funny what your grown kids will tell you about their lives growing up ....  At times  (a lot of times)  you just look at them and say,  "Were we living in the same house together cause I sure do not remember that  happening!"  Or I remember it totally different....   Other times I am sure I do not remember it at all.  And then there are the  times I think they are trying to drive me crazy and just making it up to get my goat!   Actually, the stories change depending on which grown up kid I am talking to at the moment. 


   Do I have regrets?  Yes, many. I wanted to be able to fix my children's hurts...  But I am not the Great Healer... God is. Only He can do this. I can try to point the way to Him... and there my children need to go on their own for healing.  I tried to do it on my own and that was not fair to them or to me...


   Now I see that we all were not perfect.  Not one of us. None of us parents or adoptive parents are perfect enough or deserving enough to parent our children.  They are just too precious .... We just do the best we can and love them and hope they know it and can feel it.  I want to be able to lead my children to the healer who can heal them and make them whole....   I know I can not do this perfect either.  The Bible says that Love covers a multitude of sins...  I heard an adoptive mom of 10 kids say the other day on her blog that our children are just like us adults.... they need to GO to the source of love for healing.  But they shake their fists angry at a God who did not make their lives "perfect enough" and did not treat them fair enough. A God who OWES them better then He gave them... and they can not see how much He did do for them  when He willingly gave it all.  For them to be able to come to Him.
 
  I've been an adoptive parent for  24 years now and I've met quite  a few adoptive parents. Most I totally love and admire and learn so much from.  As an adoptee my self, I can say all adoptees have issues.  All kids have issues....  All parents no matter how well they want to parent make mistakes.




   We can not let each other go... this family we have become through adoption.... we have to hang on cause we are all we have.   Please, to those 20 or 30's something adoptees out there, find it in your heart to love and forgive your parents for not being perfect enough.  Because you might not really know just how deeply they love you...And some day your own children may be able to find this same grace and forgiveness to extend to you.  We are family...


                

1 comment:

Aus said...

Good morning Dawn - you hit a couple bullseyes on this one! "All adoptive kids have issues - all kids have issues" - oh yeah - I'll follow with "we ALL have issues" - I personally have more issues than a magazine stand! But we try not to let them get in the way.....

We too have some regrets with our older kids - and yeah - I wish I could claim 'do over' sometimes. But in reality - all we can do is seek that forgiveness from our kids and move on....

We're Blessed in that we've had a chance to talk to our older kids - and I've asked for that forgiveness just that plainly....and all three have provided it to me.....so maybe we didn't do too bad a job so far! But that forgiveness really helped me out!

Finally - being 'older' parents for these next three - well it's just plain easier now than it was then too - if for no other reason than because today - that which used to be a crises - well it's not such a big thing anymore. Probably did a dis-service to my older kids with that - but 'it is what it is'!

hugs - thanks for opening your heart and letting us in!

aus and co.