September 24, 2011

Korean adoptees in Korea: A Reply

   I agree with  my friend,Aus that it is not good to get all upset about some issues dealing with adoption.  We do have a lot in our lives to be joyful about and enjoy... our children for certain.  But I do want to reply to this post about Korean adoptees returning to Korea to put a stop to further international adoptions.  I remember Grandma Holt replying to the Korean presidents wife when Korea first wanted to stop adoptions.  She said that she did not feel Korea had grown enough socially to be able to take into it's society and culture the orphaned and abandoned children that it had then and certainly not those that it would have in it's future.

  Do remarried women in Korea still place their children in orphanages because a new husband will not accept "her" children into a present marriage?  Do Korean relatives still refuse to allow a handicapped child born to married parents be placed on the family lineage? There by allowing this child to go to school and be married and receive all the care of a normal child born into the family?  Do unwed mothers still have to place babies in orphanages or abandon them as they can not keep them and raise them in any way in Korean culture?  These are just a few reasons why children are placed in orphanage care in Korea...

  My adopted grown up Korean born daughter recently returned from a trip to Korea with a boyfriend. This daughter is 27.  Her boyfriend is part Black and part Hispanic.  My daughter could not understand why every where she went she was being stared at by every one and it was continuous and the stares were also very angry.  I explained to her I thought she was being "shunned"... She was recognized as being a Korean and her being with a young man of a different race was not approved of...  She also experienced people not understanding why she did not speak Korean of course. She told them and they just continued to speak to her in Korean...   As a mom I felt angry...  How dare they?!  But it was some thing I had heard happened years ago in Korea and is still happening....  Shunning.....  Used by a whole society to control others.  How much has Korea changed?  I am not sure it is enough.  Where are the many Korean Christians? And why do they not follow James 1:27?

27 Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.


 As to some of the claims these adoptees make, many are Holt adoptees and this makes me very angry.  To say that the agencies them selves were the cause of adoptions and that money was the reason for the adoptions to be done.  They know the history of Holt very well. They know that Harry Holt gave his own fortune to save many of their lives, that he literally gave his life... for the orphans. I find this extremely offensive.  Now here is my take on it all....

  Many of these kids were adopted into very wealthy homes.  And they were spoiled rotten. I know some of them personally. I am not making light of any adoptees pain at all. I am also very aware that many of these adult adoptees suffered from what we now call Reactive attachment disorder or attachment spectrum disorder. Parents and agencies did not know how to help these kids back then. I know from my own experience how hard it is for a child to heal from this and from the trauma of a painful past....  Now much more is known and today's adoptive parents can access more help for their kids.  We are all on this adoption journey together... and the pain of adoption is real.  But more real is the reality of children alone with out parents...

   So, if Korean adoptees want to help future generations of Korea's abandoned and orphaned children, what can they do?  ADOPT THEM YOURSELF!  DO THE HARD WORK OF BEING A PARENT.  And grow up...


2 comments:

TanyaLea said...

Well-spoken Dawn. I rarely comment, but I appreciate the openness and 'real'ness of your posts. I agree whole-heartedly with what you wrote here.

God bless you and thanks for being a 'voice' and a vessel that God is working through!

Aus said...

Morning Dawn - thanks - and let me share a thought...

We currently have a young high school exchange student with us for the school year - Korean. We've had some wonderful conversations about our cultures, unwed mothers, cross cultural families, and the class structures in Korea. Frankly - for a culture that is 'racially blind' (it took a long time to explain the theme of To Kill a Mockingbird - a reading assignment for English class) - I was shocked to discover the "caste" system (strong word but I dont know how else to describe the class divisions in Korean society) that are still in place today.

Needless to say that both of us are learning a great deal about each others home cultures - this has been one of the best things that ever happened to our family!

Keep carrying the message!

hugs - aus and co.